FOR DYING OUT LOUD 666

WILDLIFE'S WRATH 1



ALLIGATOR (1980)
Robert Forster, Robin Riker, Michael V. Gazzo, Henry Silva, Dean Jagger, Jack Carter, Patti Jerome
Directed by Lewis Teague
Chicago, that toddlin' town. (Or are we really in Missouri?) August 1968. Marisa Kendall has just returned with her family from a Florida vacation (complete with an alligator wrestlin' show where a performer was badly injured by his animal opponent and almost became lunch). She's brought back a baby alligator she bought, and named it Ramón. Mean Dad is none too thrilled about this wee sprog of a pet, and flushes it down the toilet where it makes its new residence in the sewers. Ramón survives by eating dead dogs which have been dumped in the sewers (not counting the obvious and endless hors d'oeuvres of disgusting rats scurrying around). The canines were part of secret & illegal lab tests, all injected with a genetic growth formula. The project was being run by a nefarious pharmaceutical corporation, and scrapped because of the side effects of alarming hormone growth and voracious appetite. Having fed on these carcasses, the alligator mutated into a gigantic 36ft. beast, with impenetrable skin. And with the experimental hyper-serum coursing through its body, this is one Ramón who is not sedated♪ 12yrs have passed, and now with sewer workers being gobbled up, and human limbs washing up, Officer David Madison is assigned to both a rash of pet disappearances and the grisly investigation. He has a bad rep for unluckiness with partners thanks to a case he worked in St. Louis that finished in fiasco. With the news running a 'Jack the Ripper-like madman at large' angle, Madison meets Marisa, who has grown up to become a herpetologist (reptile & amphibian expert). Both begin a rocky Burton/Taylor affair, and he gets along with her rambling Mom. The couple also have warm discussions about male baldness.

When Madison ventures in the sewers with an enthusiastic young cop named Jim Kelly (too bad it wasn't the blaxploitation karate hero(!), looking for clues, Ramón puts the hi-yah! chomp on Kelly, dragging him away. Madison's freaked out account falls on deaf ears, and he is further helped in being disbelieved by Slade, a wealthy bigshot industrialist in the Windy City (or are we really in Missouri?) with an agenda: he wants to cover up his dubious involvement with the lab tests. Things ramp up when tabloid reporter, Thomas Kemp, ventures in the sewers looking for undeniable proof of the alligator. Kemp is a smearing nuisance and pain in the ass of Madison, but he gets the shocking photographic evidence needed at the expense of becoming Ramón's latest snack (as well as making the front page with his own demise). The story becomes a public sensation and an all out hunt begins to flush out the massive creature. As the police and SWAT (some armed with rocket launchers) fail in their efforts, and with Madison fired (for getting to close to the truth by uncovering the lab connections), Ramón has decided to expand his geographical horizons. Yes, tired of stalking subterraneously in putrid and dank dwellings, the creature finally comes above ground by bursting through a sidewalk to interrupt a night game of street stickball. After another cop is killed, egotistic big-game hunter Colonel Brock (who hires a trio of ghetto kids as "native guides" for assistance) is brought in to track the beast. He is hilarious when he flirts with a TV newswoman by imitating a male alligator in heat, and again when he later finds an enormous dung heap. A young boy in his backyard birthday party ends up on the menu after a tragic game of swimming pool 'walk the plank', and Brock becomes a meal when he is ambushed from out of a garbage pile in jive-named Booger Alley.

Like arrogant Great White Hunters before him, it was only a matter of time before he met his match that turned him into the prey. Same as before, law enforcement fails to bag the creature after a bungled chase in a reservoir, and an uninvited Ramón (just wanting to have something to do♪) gatecrashes a garden wedding reception held at Slade's mansion. Plowing through the jet set, and skipping the champagne & cake, the alligator stomps and crushes his way towards human hamburger as Slade, the crooked Mayor, the groom (who was a lab scientist conducting the tests) and several other guests all become fatal food. Ramón biting his way into this snooty social register (with his own unique version of these people = gourmet cuisine) on the most special & unforgettable of happy, ceremonial occasions will not quickly be forgotten. Madison and Marisa follow Ramón back into the sewer, where David lures him to a section that has been packed with dynamite charges. Killed by a huge detonation of explosives, we bid farewell Ramón: you don't have to live this life anymore♪ As the couple walk away together after blowing up the beast, a drain in the sewer dribbles out another baby alligator. Using the premise of an old NYC urban legend, the threat of ecological nightmare striking back as nature's karma, and a little mad science; from the belly of a city to the bowels of a monster, ALLIGATOR (riding on the back of the popularity of JAWS, and JAWS 2) is an enjoyable thriller. With it's mixture of action, and eccentric rounded out characters, there is a solid pacing that never plods, decent practical fx (which should be commended for not looking too cumbersome like Bruce the shark, and of which Bryan Cranston worked as a production assistant), and real juvenile gators crawling through some miniature model sets (which will garner laughs for looking ill-advised).

All told, there is a rollicking and pre-CGI glorious good time to be had here. The movie's sewer scenes have a creepy atmospheric touch, and with its fine dose of humor, film & TV pop culture fans will get the witty injokes about Ed Norton and Harry Lime. Together, this complimentary balance of fear and even slight frolic gels well together: When unsavory pet store owner/dog catcher, Luke Gutchel (who sold poor lil' pups to the lab, and callously disposed of their bodies) becomes an early victim in the sewer, a stage is set for more comeuppance. When victims are trapped in the creature's gargantuan gaping mouth, it looks frighteningly real. And when we see the rampage through the demolished wedding, the crème de la crème carnage and bourgeois ruin is wonderfully silly & over the top. Also of note is how this monster deserves props -- he's no slouch and more than just a devouring machine, he actually manages to get himself around Chi-Town (or are we really in Missouri?)... [An awful SyFy remake placing us in Chicago would go overboard to incorporate the Sears/Willis Tower; Wrigley Field; the Bean in Millennium Park; the Biograph Theatre; the Daley Plaza; and of course, the famed River. And I wouldn't rule out the old Joliet Prison either]. Written by screenwriter/director/actor John Sayles (who slips in jabs at media circus frenzy, the class system in the USA, and torturous vivisection), ALLIGATOR brings the chomp and delivers. [Sayles had just done PIRANHA (1978) and THE HOWLING (1981) would be next]. While there are plenty of oversized, maneating gator/croc pictures to sink your teeth into, this beloved and fun B-movie is one of the very best in the bunch.




GRIZZLY (1976)
Christopher George, Richard Jaeckel, Andrew Prine, Joe Dorsey, Joan McCall, Tom Arcuragi, Charles Kissinger
Directed by William Girdler
Macho and denim-clad helicopter pilot, Don Stober, is flying 2 Senators high above a National Park, telling them the forested area has been unencroached much since the days of the Native Americans, and is making a case for conservation. Simultaneously, Michael Kelly, the head ranger is briefing his team who in turn rally a group of backpackers for a hike. Meanwhile, his perky photographer girlfriend, Allison, is at the local restaurant lodge owned by her Dad. When 2 female hikers (claiming they've walked 10 miles(!), are savagely killed by an unseen animal except for a swiping paw, they are reported missing and a search for them is conducted. Their mangled bodies (one of which is partially buried) are found and afterwards, the coroner confirms a bear was responsible. This was no camping accident. Charley Kittridge, the park supervisor rakes Michael over the coals saying since bears are supposed to be moved to high country so as not to interfere with the tourist season, this looks like gross negligence by the ranger, warranting an investigation. Both men argue about shutting down the park, the safety of moving hikers off the park's mountain while keeping campers in the lowlands, and of Arthur Scott -- the eccentric outdoors expert who has tagged all the bears. It seems they might have a rogue on their hands so Michael contacts Arthur to have him find out and take care of the problem. A ranger-couple searching for the bear in the woods, split up with the young lady stripping to bra & panties (because she wanted to soak her feet) to emulate a shampoo commercial beneath a waterfall.

The timing for the semi-skinny dip couldn't be worse and it's the last shower she'll ever take as the bear strikes -- complete with killer-POV/gazing distance that mirrors a peep show of every sex maniac ever who murders a woman in her skivvies. Allison tries to cheer up Michael over his frustration with the whole ensuing scrape, and the next day he is taken up in the helicopter by Don to look for the bear. They meet Arthur (out tracking in an deer-pelt cape) who tells them their animal is indeed an outsider: a 15ft near-prehistoric grizzly weighing over 2000lbs. Don & Michael are casually unconvinced and scoff. At a nearby campsite, a woman enters her tent for a little cosmetic fresh-up, and is killed by the barging-in bear as people flee in panic over the sound of her dying screams. Michael consoles the crying boyfriend, and is again blasted by Charley whom also gives Arthur a dose of his bad temper. Charley is one annoying authoritarian: as a stubborn park supervisor who is told that a grizzly is on the loose, he too is dismissive, and still staunchly refuses to close down the park. Michael is pissed off to see hunters in the woods the next day -- one of whom narrowly escapes a confrontation with the bear by throwing his rifle down(!) and tumbling down a river bank into the water to be swept away by the current. Charley states offering a bounty is the best solution, and as to why as park supervisor he is an incessant ballbreaker full of resistance? He doesn't like Michael for being a maverick. Allison wants to join in the bear hunt but Michael gives her a firm 'hell no'! (and from that point forward she goes AWOL for the rest of the movie).

That night, a bunch of hunters try to capture a bear cub to use as bait, but their effort is all for naught as killer bear drops in and makes dinner out of the Teddy Ruxpin. Michael is again pissed, this time at the hunters for their botched insensitivity. Arthur chimes in to say the grizzly is male since they are known to eat their young. Michael, Don, Arthur, and the hunters form a plan to flush out the bear, with Don telling a story about an ancient tribe of grizzlies that once ate an Indian tribe (USS Indianapolis speech, anyone?) Arthur states he'd like to take the bear alive using tranquilizers which causes an argument with a disagreeing Don (with both men descending into each insulting the other's mother), but Michael gives Arthur the OK on condition that he not act alone. At sunrise, the plan is kicked into gear with the male ranger companion of waterfall girl, who is in an observation watchtower overlooking the forest. The bear pays him a visit and in lumberjack mode, knocks down the tower. Killed in the fall, the ranger's body is found and back in Michael's office, predictable Charley again rips Michael a new one by insisting he needs extra help, while Arthur leaves both men to continue their shouting match. An angry Michael yells about closing the park, and condemns the invited media parked outside; accusing Charley of headline-seeking and political opportunism to land himself on Capitol Hill. That night at the ranger station, Arthur goes after the bear solo. In the morning, a young boy is playing with his rabbit in a fenced yard while his Mom is tending to a clothesline inside.

The rabbit escapes but is brought back by the boy who unknowingly leaves the gate door open. [Sorry little fella, this ain't Yogi Bear here to steal picnic baskets. Or Winnie the Pooh or Paddington in search of honey. Or Smokey the Bear to warn you about fire. Or Baloo from THE JUNGLE BOOK ready to sing 'The Bare Necessities'. Or TV's Gentle Ben visiting from the Everglades]... The kid screams as he is scooped up in a bear hug causing Mom to run outside, armed with a broom to fend off the grunting & growling beast. The bear rips the boy's left leg off below the knee and Mom is killed. With the mutilated kid in the hospital and Mom in the morgue, a shocked Charley is finally removed, and Michael tells the media that greed -- and they -- are to blame for incompetence & turmoil in addition to the bear's reign of terror. The park is finally closed, along with all hunters banned. The next day, Michael and Don grab weapons and use a gutted deer carcass hanging from a tree as a trap before setting off in another helicopter search. The bear is chased through the woods (yellow barrels, anyone?) but it disappears, and returns to claim its Bambi steak. Arthur looks for the elusive bear on horseback and finds the deer remains which he drags behind him as a lure. The bear ambushes him, decapitates the horse with one smack(!), and half-buries him. Unconscious Arthur attempts to Lazarus himself from his shallow mini-grave but the bear comes back and finishes him for good. Michael and Don find his body, and when they take chase in the air, they spot the animal in a patch of open field and land in a clearing.

The bear shoves the helicopter causing it to spin which ejects Don. Don shoots the bear with a shotgun but to no avail and is killed. Michael shoots it with a rifle but also to no avail. Not to fret however, he grabs a bazooka (the US Forest Service had access to that?) and blows the big bad bruin to a Rambo-style, fiery kingdom come. We conclude with Michael sadly walking past its burning remains, back towards Don's body. [The novel by Will Collins featured a different conclusion with Don surviving his attack, and Michael using a flamethrower]. Filmed in Georgia, GRIZZLY for the longest time has been called a shameless JAWS-on-land ripoff, blatantly trying to capitalize on that phenomenon's success, one year after its blockbuster release. [Michael was Chief Brody; Allison was Ellen Brody; Arthur was Hooper; Don and his helicopter were Quint and his boat; Charley was Mayor Vaughn; the 2 female hikers were a doubleshot of Chrissie Watkins; the little boy was Alex Kintner; the local yokel hunters were the throngs of fishermen attracted to the $10,000 reward; and Harvey Flaxman (the movie's writer & producer) has a cameo as a reporter, just as author Peter Benchley did]. Inspite of the truth to the exploitation accusation, and widely bashed by critics, this B-movie was still a surprising success that resulted in a box office of $39 million worldwide, from its low budget of $750,000. It was also the most profitable indie film of 1976, and remained so -- all-time -- until 1978 when a little picture called HALLOWEEN took its crown away.

The movie's overkill and "smile, you sonofabitch!" ending is gonzo terrible-riffic, and yet fitting for the crescendo of all the bear's carnivorous maulings. With nice scenic aerial photography, several spots of bad acting, and as one of the first bear copycats in the 'when animals attack' category -- as quickie offerings also saw CLAWS (1977), and PROPHECY (1979) -- what looks like ursine baloney for its campiness, mechanical furry arms, stuntmen in bear suits, and acrylic paint-looking blood, is nevertheless still quite earnest and fondly remembered. And then there's the bear itself which kept changing in size thus never looking as giant as described. The poster also wrongly has it at 18ft, and its fierce cover art looks more of a conjuring of the bear that mega-trounced Leonardo DiCaprio in THE REVENANT. So overall, is the movie underappreciated and even underestimated, while being cheapish, thinly written, and unoriginal? Yes. Is it unwatchable? Definitely not. GRIZZLY is roaring and formulaic fun with its cheesy charm, some corny puns to think about (great pause, grisly demise, bearing thoughts), and a monster who has a real sinister knack for silently popping in from outta nowhere. [There was an attempt to film a sequel in 1983 titled GRIZZLY 2: THE PREDATOR about another bear attacking an outdoor concert. Shot in Hungary, and starring George Clooney, Charlie Sheen, Laura Dern, Louise Fletcher, and John Rhys-Davies, the film was shelved due to fx problems, but a bootleg workprint (showing the movie has not aged well) was released in 2007].